Being Human over a Hero

It’s easy to love dogs, they just love you

unconditionally!

Why is it so hard to love ourselves the same?

I have had the most extraordinary life of resilience, fighting through so many adversities to survive the battle and be the hero. It's what Cindy Rella does best. Being my own Brave!

The last few months has really been eye opening on a personal level. Trying to find life balance V's my goals and ambitions has been a struggle mentally and physically.

Spinning around uncertain and somewhat lost and confused.

You could describe it like one of those party games like Dizzy Bat, where you spin around and then try and run to the target, you can see it but you run in all different directions stumbling ad missing the mark.

Morris has been my world for the past 5 years. To say that he was a special boy is an understatement. I had no idea what he would bring and teach me. (I will write something for him when the time is right)

3 years ago, loosing my other boy Cooper 5 days out from my Ironman race left a huge hole. I raced hard for him, crossing the line with his fur and his little mini doll. The staunch brave hero that raced for her little man and succeeded. People saw me as that amazing human that could withstand any adversity and succeed.

I felt so neglectful with my boys while training for Ironman, that I became obsessed after the race with not making the same mistake again with Morris.

So much so that I became reclusive and obsessive, battling between what I wanted and what Morris needed.

He became number one in my life over myself and anyone else. There were times I would put myself first and be riddled with so much guilt and regret when I wasn't there for him or let him down.

For some time I new subconsciously that Moz was not doing well, but he, like me is a battler and wouldn't show his pain or discomfort, he just got on with life to make me the happiest human alive. I got on with making sure his life was the best possible.

I tried so hard to be the brave strong resilient hero for my furbaby. Morris was teaching me that it was time for me to be human and that I can't always hang on, its ok to feel and let go, thats where my braveness lays.

On the weekend I was booked to be in Tasmania for a competition, it was one of the steps in this years goals.

As he always does, Master Morris has other ideas of me going, his time was up and I needed to make that heartbreaking decision to send him over the rainbow bridge, even in his last hours he kept teaching me lessons.

So many said to go to Tassie and do him proud, stand on that platform and give the performance of your life. This is not what Morris wanted from me.

I made a paw promise to him to not be so strong and resisting of life all the time, learn to be human and vulnerable for once, not always the brave hero, feeling sad but not depressed with all that grief has to offer, and just give myself the unconditional love and respect I gave him.

Being human is certainly outside of my comfort zone and loving myself is something I'm not accustom to, but necessary for growth.